Merry Christmas!!

It's been a while.

Basically, I've spent the last week with Devin. Well, up until two days ago. I'm currently with my dad in Brigham city.

Devin and I have had a merry old time this week and I'm really glad he let me crash at his place. We had a really fun lan party with Rennan and Alex on....gah, I have no clue what day it was. Friday maybe?
But yeah, 4 player borderlands is really enjoyable. and it brought back old memories to be in his basement, eating candy and soda and playing games.
We also wrote Jordan a letter. I feel bad...I don't really write anyone but Ryan. Its not so much that I don't want to its just...awkward. and I never know what to say.

Speaking of writing Ryan...went to the post office in Williard to pick up the stamps the other day. For those who don't know, small town, small post office. The kind where it has a kindly old post master who is lonely and likes to talk. First thing he said when I told him I needed international stamps was "when do you leave on your mission." Not sure how i feel about that. But he was a nice old guy either way.

So, after three or four days ((really losing track of time)) with Devin in Logan/Ogden, I came to my dad's house. We had Christmas eve last night and christmas morning this morning. It was fun. I got a digital camera, so I'll actually be able to take pictures now and then.

Went and visited my Aunt and Uncle and Grandpa down in Lehi today, its nice to seem them. It was a bit chaotic with so many kids running around but such is family.

Tomorrow morning its off to a town called 'paradise'....that doesn't have cell reception....which to me SCREAMS horror movie plot. So that should be fun. After that I'm driving down to Provo to have a lateish christmas celebration with my mom.


I guess there hasn't really been much else going on. My trip down to AZ for new years eve got canceled. I'm a bit upset, but...it kept turning into more of a hassle than it was going to be worth I think. So now I gotta find something else to do.

so...I bought a gift for someone...significant. Don't know why...I mean..I could get it to them but...not sure how that'd go over. I'm not sure what prompted me to buy it but...I did. Blah.


Anyway. Life's good. I'm gettin by without a 'home'. And next semesters classes start in about 2 weeks. I still gotta buy books. Oy vey.

Zero Hour

It occurs to me I don't know what Zero Hour means. Not really anyway.

So, I'm done with Fall semester. Ta da!
Hopefully I did well on my last final...I needed a  93% on it to get an A...and that's...gonna be a stretch. but....here's hoping.

Last night we had a mini Christmas over at the Girl's apartment. So yay for Christmas celebrations and gift giving. It was fun.
I THINK they liked the gifts I gave them. Hopefully. I liked mine I got. So. yay.

Sorry. Its hard to think of things. Basically the last couple days were studying for the final and then....not thinking at all. I'm pretty much just entering a mini coma or something for hours on end. Not sure if that's a good sign or not.

Been playing Borderlands with Devin. The game isn't really entertaining playing solo. But a ton of fun with people. Like Devin. Devin is fun to play with.


This break is going to be...interesting. I have no idea where i'm going to be for most of it. Tomorrow for example. I get kicked out at about...9 am. So I need to figure out where I'm going to stay and what I'm going to do. So yay. Fun stuff.


Okay. i think that's about all that's going on. I'm going to go try to figure out where I'm going to be living for the next little while.

All we wanna do is eat your brains

You're welcome.

So, I would like to thank the kind members of my garrison for always being there for me, and Crick for having Triple A and  helping me get my car back.

Two more troops this last saturday!

Did a toys4tots drive at Hasturs Games and Comics which was a lot of fun.

How much fun?
http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=1686882368223
If you can watch that video, you can tell. If you can't...well, lemme know and I'll get it to you.




After that was an operation teddy bear event. Basically, we went and took pictures with the kids there. It was pretty fun, definitely a different experience.

As you can see, some of the teddy bears were a tad...aggressive.



So a good weekend, and some good troops to lift my spirits.

Today I went and got my vehicle safety and emissions check, and tomorrow I hope to go get my vehicle registered...provided I can find all the forms and documents....

This whole car thing is going to end up costing quite a bit...
I'm really starting to feel the whole 'adult' thing with all the monthly bills I'm accruing. It's fun.
No. No its not. That was a lie.
But such is life, and all things must go on, eh?
I lost another christmas present I ordered for someone. Im positive it was in the box...but when I went to wrap it...well, now it's not. I don't THINK I moved it...my dorm room isn't THAT big.

One last final to do, this thursday...I need to get a 93 on it, so I'll be studying a lot...maybe. I'll try. I don't do so well at studying. Wish me luck!

Let's Do It!

Got another letter from Ryan today! Yay!

but apparently he's in an area that only lets him check his mail once every six weeks. Which sucks.

So. Not much 'good' happened this week.
I had three finals ((just finished up the third today, yay!)) so that was fun to study for.

HOWEVER.

Both of my computers decided to completely tank on...wednesday I think it was. At first I thought it was a virus, but after consulting all my super awesome nerd friends ((whom I thank for helping me through that)) There is a chance it was at least in part due to a new update from AVG. So thanks a lot free anti virus program. You have betrayed me for the last time.

I had to reformat both of them....so I lost most everything. But I managed to save some of my work/school stuff that was important.
But yeah. Kinda really annoying. Having to reinstall everything and cut my losses, but...what can you do.

There really hasn't been much else going on. Most of the last few days have been spent trying to breathe life back into these machines. And then finals.
But more effort on my computers then finals.

Because I'm all about priorities.

I'm a bit upset. I just found out that about $40 dollars worth of gifts I bought for multiple people online got shipped to my old house...I have no idea why. I deleted that address from the website, the package before, and AFTER that one, BOTH ship to my correct address. And there is delivery confirmation that someone SIGNED for it. so....Im not sure what to do. But I feel pretty screwed over.

Go kangaroo!

I don't think I posted this before. another random sketch from when I got bored one night.

I can't remember if I've talked about this before on here...
But I'm getting kicked out of my dorm in a week from today...for three weeks.

So that'll be fun.
My plan so far is to live as a migrant and bum places to stay off people. Ill be with my dad for a weekish anyway. And if all goes according to plan, Ill be down in AZ for New Years Eve doing a starwarsy thing.
I can move back into my dorm on the 7th. So the tricky part is just...Well, choosing what to bring and what to leave, and finding a place to live for 3 weeks.



Just curious....who actually READS these? You should comment here or on fb if you do. I wanna know.






---------------------------------------------------------------

So....decided to try going to a party tonight. Bad idea. It was stupid. Just a bunch of drunk morons. So I turned to leave. But, of course. I locked my keys in the car. In the middle of Murray. In the rain.
Thanks to Lauren for coming to save me.

I'm just in a really depressed mood right now. Dunno how much It'll cost to get it open...not to mention I'll probably miss the troop I was going to go to tomorrow.

Oh, and I had to get let into my room seeing as my room key is on the same keyring. That was a fun 20 minute wait.

I really am just....sick of life. I feel very defeated. 

Blarg

I'm feeling a bit 'off' today. Not quite sure why but I just don't feel great.

Emotionally sick is the best way I can think to describe it....though I guess that sounds like depression....maybe it is. I dunno.

I'm just feeling...lonely. but...for...a significant other. I really want someone by my side, just..to exist next to someone I care about. I miss that.



Anyway....

I got to troop two birthday parties yesterday. The kids really loved it, they were all below ten. But its always fun to see their faces.


Today I trooped with the Mercs and did Salvation Army bell ringing for a few hours. It was enjoyable as well, hanging out with them. I also wore a wreath on my head ((with swampy)).

After that it was off to the Steampunk Christmas party. A smaller gathering, but fun to see a lot of enthusiasts. Though...steampunks not quite my thing. I prefer masks. I did get approached by a couple wig makers when they found out I was making a Chewbacca costume. That was interesting.

After that todays been fairly mellow. Too mellow. But I haven't felt up to video games so....mostly just been sitting here. I should go to bed soon, but I know I wouldn't be falling asleep for a few hours. Ah well.

I'm Baaaaaack

So, got home from Disney/ California Yesterday afternoon. I figured I should update this with my adventures/travels. Unfortunately I woke up this morning with one thought on my mind "I'm gonna throw up".
I didn't. But I still FEEL like it, and it's quite uncomfortable. My stomach is all bubbly.

I'll start with the Drive home. It sucked.
But I'm not a fan of driving. I don't have much experience and I'm not good at it.
I drove from Fresno to St. George the first day, and made pretty good time...I think it was about 8 hours? But I didn't really keep track. The hard part was staying awake. I get bored and daze off.
But, I made it, and stopped and a run down motel in St. George...run by a guy who didn't speak English. He was nice enough, it was just hard to figure out what he was saying. The rooms weren't all that bad considering I only paid 50 bucks for a night, and they had waffles for breakfast, so I can't complain.
I left at about 10 the next morning. It was raining lightly. That lasted all of ten miles. Then I hit a whiteout.
I hate snow.
I had to drive the whole way back to SLC at between 30-40 mph depending on how bad the roads were/visibility.
At one point, I tried to change lanes due to a truck constantly trying to rear end me.
The road turned out to not like that idea, and somehow launched my car FORWARD as I crossed the lines. I was terrified but I somehow managed to get the car off the road and not hit anyone.
Unless you count the snow bank as a person. But I don't. Because I hate snow.
I'm really lucky and glad I'm not hurt and the car wasn't damaged. I was even able to maneuver out of it with 4wd.

So, really lucky and grateful I made it home.

But MAN is it snowy here...There's about 2 feet in the parking lots where they havent' plowed...1 foot where they have.

Not sure where to start with Disneyland. It was definitely a lot of fun, also very crowded.
It's nice to spend time with my family. Even if we don't talk much or about anything significant it just feels good to hang out with them.
It was also nice to go back to Disney the first night with just Dean and hang out. And get ice cream.

Disney was fun and all, but I really just enjoyed hanging out with the family. I'm glad I get to see them again during Christmas.

FLYING

I am in the air right now. Free wireless on the airplane. Go figure.

So, off to visit family in California for fourish days. Disneyland for two of those I believe. YAY. Excited.

I really am excited, not just for Disney, but for spending time with family. I really miss them. especially Dean. I wish we still lived together so we could hang out more.

I may have just stalked the girl sitting in the seat in front of me. My vision is not what it used to be, but I'm sly enough to lean forward and steal her name off her facebook homepage. I sent her a message saying "I hope this doesn't seem creepy, but I'm bored, How's the flight?" she smiled and waved. I feel accomplished.

Not much has been going on. Trying to stay caught up in school and dealing with these stupid assignments and gradings I've had in class lately. Speaking off, I'm going to have a lot to do once I get back home.

And how am I getting home you ask? Why, I'm driving...My new car! 2003 Chevy Tracker I'm buying off my Mom.
Terrified to drive it that long, as there's a good chance I'll fall asleep at the wheel and die, but if I make it home then I'm +1 vehicle.

I wish I was good at freehand drawing. Or any drawing for that matter. I'd like to just...I dunno. sketch stuff. People. things. then just give them to random people. or animals.

Can you tell I only got 3 hours of sleep?

She's not replying to my message. ha. Guess she's not as bored as me.

Although having the swamptrooper as my profile pic MAY scare off people...Its...nerdy and strange.

Complimentary biscotti and juice!!! my favorite part of a flight.
Besides the landing. I like landing. Makes me feel like I'm not going to experience two minutes of terror as I plummet to my death.

Mmmm. that's good biscotti.

And now my profile pic is of Dean and I. Yay. I need to get some more pictures with him this week.

Net died there for a few minutes. Worried I'd lose all I typed.

Also, airplane girl wrote me back. Yay. hahah.

Apparently there's a blizzard warning in Utah for today. Glad I got out of there before it hit, I'd hate to get stuck at the airport. And here's to hoping the snow's gone when I get back!

I need to get Lauren famous. For some reason, two people who have contacted her/me about her, stopped replying when they saw her videos....I KNOW she's a great singer....I can't fathom why they didn't reply, but its their loss. I just want to get her a band and get her recording...But I need a band...and recording equipment. Or studio time...but I hate studios.

Urk...every time there's turbulence, my stomach clenches and waits for the fall.....and there's a lot of turbulence.

Hm, really slow net. Can't complain cus its free airplane net, but Cant' even load a youtube.

Did I ever write about the Harry Potter Party? i don't think I did.

Umm. Long story short...It ended...badly. Well, it WOULDVE been really great, but no one showed up....I feel bad. They lost a lot of money with it. And time.
And I knew that some people *I* personally know were going to be there but...they never showed.

But I did get Dungeon Crawlers Radio there, and got to hang out and talk with them. I like those guys a lot, so that was quite enjoyable.


I'm flying. and On the internet. Sometimes I never quite process what a world we live in.

Okay. I'm bored of rambling.
Provided I land, I'll be seeing you all soon. And If I DON'T land so much as crash...well, I'll be haunting quite a few of you.

This is merely a test.

When is it time?

When are you supposed to give up on love?
When do you throw in the towel?
Is it when she finds someone else? Engagement? Marriage?

Movies always romanticize it.
True love will stop her from getting on the plane,
from saying "I do".

But is that how real life works?
Is that what life wants?

Does it not show dedication to that love when you pursue it?
Or does it just make them uncomfortable and pity you?

If so, then what do you do?
Merely give up and accept it?

But if you loved a love so strongly,
is it in any way fair to give up on it so easily?
You put so much into love,
to just quit on it like that?
It would be like a painter burning his masterpiece a day before its completion.

So, no, I do not believe love should be given up on. No matter what the critics say of his painting,
no matter how they scoff and scorn,
mock and ridicule,
harass and degrade,
he must NEVER give up.
For if he does, he robs not only himself,
but the world
of one of the most beautiful things to behold.

This is Sparta

Been a decent last few days. Kinda had its ups and downs, but such is life.
I've got some good work done on Chewie's face...Gonna need some major grooming, but its progress, right?

Trying to figure out insurance right now so I can see if I can afford to buy a car. Well, I can, but afford to keep it legal. Didn't realize insurance would be a few hundred a month just for a basic package.

Drew Thomsen

Ah, I got to play D&D the other day with the DCR Crew. It was quite enjoyable, and a bit of a different experience, but I enjoyed it, and I'm glad they let me 'tag along'


I know there's been more that's been going on but I can't think at the moment. Hm.

Here's a pic I drew recently. Trying out this art style. I don't think I did it perfectly but I thought it turned out pretty well.

Take Pictures

When you are with someone you love, or if you even think there's a possiblity of Love.....Take pictures.
Don't put it off. Take as many pictures as you want memories to keep.

I'm not saying go splay them all over facebook. Because if that person means something to you, its not about showing them off to your friends.

But a picture for yourself, to have and hold, to look at and remind you....is a wonderful gift.

I wish I had taken pictures. ANY pictures....I have NOTHING....and it eats at me. I beat myself up over it....I was so naive and stupid.

So, don't make the same mistake. Take some time to snap a photo or two when you're together, and as you later look at that picture, think back to the day...how they made you laugh, how their eyes lit up when they smiled. Let the picture give you as much joy as it can.
Because even if the relationship sours and goes bad, there will always come a time when you wish to take a few moments and look back and just....remember.

I hate Clamps

Hmmm...So I need to start keeping track of my school schedule. For example, it'd be nice to know there is a test that day sooner then when I walk into class.
Still the first one done in the class...I think they thought it's cus I'm smart...no, it's just cus I give up quickly. Heheh. The professor asked me how it was, I said it was harder than the last one. He asked me how much I prepared....I said 'just as much as I did last test'. Which sadly is true.

anyway. I decided to go get a jamba to cheer myself up.
Pumpkin spice was a bad idea. I thought maybe it'd be good cus I know some of my friends love them....yeah, its like frapped pumpkin pie, and not in a tasty way. Blech. But...I'm going to eat it all. Because it cost a lot.

http://www.theswain.com/Flash/Episode10.htm Rediscovering blockhead. Because I love this episode.

Going to visit my family over thanksgiving break. Excited....and, I get to drive the car home!!! and...that...terrifies me.
I fall asleep when I drive.  And its a...15 hour drive?
Yep. I'm gonna die.

I miss my hat from Robber Bridegroom. I don't know why. But I want it back....

I am Bulletproof!!

I really love the sound bytes from TF2. All of the characters, voices, phrases they've created always make me smile.

My thoughts and love goes out to my family...I know they are having a tough time right now, and I'm sorry I can't be with them.

So, far as my memory serves, not a whole lot noteworthy has gone on since my last post.

Lauren and I went out troubadouring....Thursday? night. Which basically meant we went to trolley square and she played guitar for an hour, then we got bored/hungry, went to Taco Bell, consumed some delicious burritos, and decided we were going to stalk "All time low". Some sort of band that she knew and incidentally briefly met earlier that day.
Our intention was to sticky note their tour bus when they left, so we waited a couple hours for them to leave, watching all the teenagers who were intent on seducing the bandmembers ((seriously, some brought sluttier clothes and changed into them, then waited outside for the band)). Buuuuut....far as we can tell, the band never came out of the RV.
Lauren and I had been ratted out by **** ((name hidden to protect the innocent...cept they weren't so innocent. cus they ratted us out. Jerk.)). So we had waited forever for nothing.....but it was still fun.

 Yesterday was the exterior film shoot for the KOTOR fan film im in. It was...quite the day. hahah. From about 9-6 we were filming, and I'm feeling it today. Really drained and tired. Here's to hoping that it turns out well in post production and all that and that the finished product is awesome.

I really am tired today. I find myself devoid of energy.
And I really don't think much more has happened since then so....

The Howl

Guess where I was last night?

Yep. The Howl.

For those who don't know, its Logan/Utah States big halloween party. Huge shindig. Lotta people.
I drove up with Lauren with the intention of visiting Devin while she met up with a friend and went to the Howl to watch the bands.

That didn't happen. Said friend's car got totaled, so he never made it. Devin and I couldn't think of anything to do, so we stalked Lauren to the concert ((this was all after we made a pit stop at Village Inn, of course)).
After we followed her for a while, we got bored so went to say Hi. Then we all decided that the line was too long and the Howl wasn't worth it.

So,yadda yadda yadda, we end up on the third floor of the parking garage that faces the entrance to the stage where the bands are playing, and conveniently, where the tour buses are. We stalked the bands from above, and made fun of all the stupid people and costumes that entered and exited the building. It was a surprisingly large amount of fun.
Lauren also had giant sticky notes ((Im talking three feet by two feet)) so I drew some pictures with a sharpie and stuck them to the tour bus door, then watched everyone look at them quizzically, and the band actually ended up taking them in.
I count that as a win.
Lauren and I didn't get home til about 4 am....and neither of us remember driving home so....I guess its good we are safe.

I slept most of today, then ate candy and played video games for the rest of it. So, not a bad day all around.

-----------------
On a...more melancholy note..
If you don't wanna read this, I don't care...its more for me, to get my thoughts on paper.

I really miss her. I've lost track of how long its been...probably feels longer in my head.
I go through stages...I miss her, I worry about her, how she is, if she's alright....I get angry, indignant, furious...
I guess part of the problem is I don't know why she suddenly stopped talking to me...I know the last time we talked I was upset with her...did I offend her? Is that why? 
Did something happen to her? Did he make her stop?
I'm not sure if any answer I can conceive would actually bring me peace. Maybe it's better I don't know. Ignorance is bliss, after all. 
I just hope she is safe and....happy...I really do. If she is truly happy then I guess that's all that matters. 

Take that, snow!

The snow all melted the next day. Yay!

If it's up to me, It'll stay away til thanksgiving or later...

But when is it ever up to me.

Dragon Age is a lot of fun and I'm spending way too much time on it.

My job is also taking up a lot of time, without much fruit. I search for articles but....yeah. It's a pain and tough.

Hmmm...lesse...I'm trying to think of whats gone on since I last posted on here.

Ooooh, the Deaf Center Event. I debuted my swamptrooper!!! It was a ton of fun, to wear swampy, and to interact with all those kids. They loved it. :)

Swampy held together pretty well for that troop, and Crimson Nights after. I had fun pretending to be a statue and playing a game I later dubbed "Scaring Sluts'.
I don't know why, but for some reason, the slutty girls always seemed to come up and 'inspect' me when I was statuing. ((To be fair, 75 percent of girls there were slutty though))
So, I'd wait til they poked my stomach ((happened more often then not)) and then just grab their hand, not moving anything but my arm, hold them for a couple seconds while they screamed, and then go back to statue position. It was good fun.
I also wore swampy to another couple events, one was kinda a wash, the other was the Midnight Release for Force Unleashed II. It was fun, though I think that was mostly due to the company.

So, I had submitted swampy for approval. For those of you who don't understand that, basically, the costuming group I'm a part of ( www.501st.com ) has a high set of standards. You have to be screen accurate, or source accurate in my case. So I submitted pictures of my costume as well as my reference shots of the actual character from the game it originates in. I got the response back on Wednesday. I have a handful of fixes to do...mostly relating to the cummerbund color. So, hopefully I'll find a way to fix everything up, if so, I'll be the legions first Swamptrooper! Yay.

Well, besides that, I don't think much has happened. I've had more trouble sleeping, in part to my insomnia, in part because of my asian roommate who still exists in a different time zone, I'm convinced. One in which its okay to shower ((and sing therein)) at one AM, followed by blow drying your hair, shaving, and then getting on the phone and not knowing what a WHISPER is for an hour.

But, hey, I'm not bitter.

Looks like I'm going to Logan tomorrow. It'll be nice to see Devin. And, if we end up going to the Howl, Jenessa as well.
Dunno what I'd wear as a costume.

Seeing as how I dress up on a weekly basis, more or less, Halloween has lost some of its charm. I see everyone getting excited, planning costumes....and here I sit with my $700 Swamptrooper and go "Meh."

Howl. Right. Should be fun. Or just seeing devin. Either way.

Also, looks like I may finally get to do what I've wanted to since Jr. High....join a D&D campaign.

The good folks over at Dungeon Crawlers Radio invited me to come play with them. I am extremely excited...and a bit nervous. It's all so new.

On a more serious note, I'd like to extend my thanks to all my real friends out there. More and more, recently, I've realized how many people only talk to me when its convenient, only like me around sometimes, etc. I have very few true friends in this world. And unfortunately for me, a good chunk of them are off serving Missions. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad they are, I'm just being selfish here.

So, thank you to everyone who has been a true and good friend to me.



Okay. I'm bored.

There's a pic of Swampy for those of you who somehow haven't seen him. Which has gotta be difficult cus he's my profile pic.

That is not Snow

It's raining outside. I refuse to call that snow. Besides, I can hear it hitting the pavement. You can't hear snow.





-----
Two hours later.

I forgot I left this open.

But it's snow now.
And there's a few inches of it.

And its not letting up.

And I just got Dragon Age Origins. Imma play that instead of writing.

Happy Birthday!!

Well, I'm 20. Yay.

Hah, It's kinda one of those 'nothing' ages. I'm not a teenager anymore, but I'm not 21, so I'm still missing out on some of the finer points of life. Like alcohol.

It was a good birthday, thanks to my friends. I have a history of bad birthdays, last year being no exception. I had some friends who tried their best to make it good, but I was stupid and did some stuff that makes it so my memory of it definitely isn't pleasant. 
This year was a lot of fun though. I got to sleep in, a rare commodity for me, and when I woke up, I decided I'd eat an entire plate of cookies someone gave me for breakfast.
I was able to go to Nicklecade which was a nice nostalgia moment to being younger. My dad used to take me and Dean once a month or so. We loved it. So thanks to Nikki for taking me.

After that, Heather surprised me with a little chocolate cake, complete with candles, which was really fun.
I then picked up a package from my brothers and Mom. A very odd beanie baby "october' bear and two packages of candy was in it, as well as two birthday cards. They made me smile.

Then, I went over to The Hopartment. Ally, Lauren, and Julie had made me a LOT of food. ((which is wonderful and cruel. None of them eat much)) Two entrees, baked mac and cheese with DOUBLE CHEESE, and meatball subs. They called my mom to ask what I liked. And I do like those meals.
There was also a 64 oz bag of m&ms. Yay. And then brownies, AND cookies!
Within the last week, I won a guitar in a contest, and the girls surprised me by having it delivered while I was there. It's a very shiny white electric fender. I named him Reginald, or Reggie. He looks British to me, don't ask why. In theory, Lauren is going to teach me to play. But that requires us both having attention span.

By the end of the day, I had 70 facebook birthday wishes on my wall, and a few more have shown up today. I loved reading through them and eventually plan to go and individually thank everyone.

All in all, I just want to thank everyone who cares about me. The more you care, the more a part in my life you are, the more i really do appreciate you. Thank you to everyone who has been a part of my life, and I hope you will all continue to be.

And thank you for the awesome birthday!

Force-a-Nature

Team Fortress 2 is a blast. I'm loving playing it again. It's even better on PC than 360 ((though most games are)). I've got to play with Dean and Devin, and Kaydie, who I've barely hung out with in person. I'm pretty sure I've logged more hours playing TF2 with her than I've spent in her presence.

So...I turn twenty in 5 days. Not sure how I feel about that. And I get the feeling my birthdays going to just pass by like another day....though that'd be better than what happened last year. ha.

Got the hairpunch needle in today. Hesitant to use it. Because if it DOESN'T work, I'll be angry. So here's hopin', eh?

So, this new job is all about self motivation and scheduling....not sure if that's a blessing or a curse. But I have 30 hours a week to fill so...here goes nothing.

I tried to hook up my laptop and new desktop, but the remote desktop connection wouldn't work despite my best efforts. I hate computers sometimes. I might just have to download logmein...

I'm also stopping myself from buying another monitor....I really want dual screens, but I need to wait a bit to let my wallet recover.



You can tell I grew up in the technological age....I hate waiting for letters from Ryan. I feel like it should take a day tops...Stupid Hungary. Being far away. And having weird customs that takes two weeks to get through.

Anime Bonzai

Hm. I've gotten bad at posting on this. I just forget it exists sometime.

Not too much is going on. Its fall break this week...but I work the six am shift four of the days, so I don't even get to sleep in. hurray.

The big thing of the last little while was the anime banzai. A weekend long anime convention I went to in Layton. It was a lot of fun. Im not a huge fan of the panels, but I enjoyed just walking around and looking at other peoples costumes, and all the contests they had.
Not that I recognized most of the costumes. I don't watch anime really. But I recognized the ones dean always talked about, some anyway, and all the video game ones.
((There was an AMAZING Midna...I wish I got my pic with her...))
I dressed up in my Anakin, as that's still the only completed costume I have...
It took a bit of a beating by the end of the weekend. 12 hours a day for two days will do that too it. My feet still hurt. But the velcro....most of it has fallen off, and I need to get new strips and reattach them. And my lightsaber shroud broke...which still upsets me.
I mean, i've tossed that thing in the air and accidently dropped it on cement and its fine. But as I'm sitting at a panel, it falls off my belt, and lands on the floor six inches below it, and the shroud breaks into four pieces. I have to figure out if I can superglue those...

I hung out with the Mandalorian Mercs for the second day. I need to get my merc suit done. I just can't decide on a color scheme. Not to mention I've been lacking tools and I haven't really felt up to armor parties.
Anyway, they had some really cool trinkets at the anime banzai, but most all the stuff wasn't unique. By that I mean I could go online and find it to buy. So I didn't end up getting anything. Not that there was much that interested me, as I didn't know what half the stuff was.
There WAS a lot of gay porn type books/movies though. Guess that's big with anime.


((So very tired right now.))

I still feel a bit...apathetic when it comes to costuming right now. Especially with Anakin broken. Variety of reasons, most dealing with inadequacy. I just feel like i should quit for a while. I'm not sure. I just don't have the dedication right now.



So, I built a new computer. I don't have much of a good reason as to why apart from I want one, and I figure its a good long term investment for me. I did forget how much software such as microsoft office costs though. Oy. Still though. I'm happy
Named  her Serenity, for a few reason. I like it.

But on the bright side, I have TF2 now, and I just need to find a chance to play it.
I should be starting my new job soon. Really excited. 12 bucks an hour, 30 hours a week? Yay! I'm still not positive what I'll be doing, but I know the goal is to help my professor with research/teaching a class, so I'm excited.I dropped my desk job hours to just an eight hour shift on monday....but that still puts me at 38 hours....I'm a bit nervous. Hopefully I can handle it.
But it'll be nice to not have three six am shifts....Those are killing me. I just can't get enough sleep.

Boondocks fun center has a deal called $12 tuesday. From 4-10 pm, 12 bucks gets you unlimited laser tag, arcade games, mini golf, and kiddie cove. Unfortunately I don't meet the 'under 48 inches' requirement for kiddie cove.
Gotta go with a big group last night though. Played a few rounds of laser tag, a lot of stupidly fun arcade games, and then went out to get Village Inn. Definitely a fun night, and would make for a fun tradition.

As soon as I can find a way to get it out here, I'll be buying my mom's old tracker. It'll be nice to have a vehicle...but suck to have to pay for insurance and licensing and whatnot.

I don't get why the HC opens at six am on fall break. The cafeteria doesn't open til 8, the convenience store til ten. I don't even think the shuttles run this early...I haven't seen them at least. Just seems like opening at 8 would be more logical....and mean I can sleep in.

It seems like I should be able to think of more that's happened. My brain seems to disagree with that.

Part of the problem is I don't remember what I've talked about or not. And I'm far to tired and lazy to check.

Got a letter from Ryan last night. It always makes me really happy. I also need a camera so I can post a pic of the candy he sent me. It made me laugh. Sounds like he's doing pretty well overall out there. I'm excited for swapping stories when he gets back.
Speaking of getting back, his brother Jake did this week. I got to talk to him a bit. Seems like he's still stuck in "Missionary Mode"....heh. He's going out with the local missionaries ASAP.

I want to find a way to rig up some PTK walkie talkies in all the helmeted characters in the garrison. Or in the mercs. Either way. It'd be awesome to have radio communication.

I wish that Dean could move out here and live with me. I miss all of my family a lot, but it'd be nice to have Dean to hang out with...Though I kinda wish they all just lived here. There have been days when I really just need to be around family and it sucks that I can't.
But such is life, eh?

Alright, I need to find a happy note to end this on, because I'm really not depressed.

There are a lot of events and troops coming up, but I'm really not sure if I'm going to go or not...Unless they need a spotter. Guess I'll see.

I think i'll go re-read Ryan's letter then write him back. That should cheer me up.

With a melon?

Sitting in class. Very carefully NOT paying attention. It's a fluff class, twice so far I've glanced up from my computer when the teacher asks my opinion and been able to BS an answer. Yay.

I got another job! 30 hours  a week, 12 an hour, with possible health benefits!!!, so combine that with my now reduced 8 hours a week at the HC.....I am going to be busy.

A little concerned....I hope I'll be able to keep up with it all.

But I'll need the money. I'm buying the tracker from Mom. So I'll have a car, which will be nice. Not having to be dependent on people. Especially for troops with my star wars group.

Speaking of....

I really need to fix up my anakin. The sticky back velcro isn't holding up. I wish I had a sewing machine....I'm going to have to go buy some sewable velcro and needle and thread...
Also, Chewbacca's skull. I got half the hair on the dome of it...he looks like ben franklin. I ran outta glue sticks.

I'm really scared about chewie...those stilts I bought...I Tried walking on them and....ugh. Its just....near impossible. And I spent a lot on them so....I really don't know what I'm going to do. To be honest I'm a bit overwhelmed with all of it. I can't figure out Swampy. My mando just feels...out of reach. Still can't get chewies jaw to work.
I feel like I'm stagnating with costumes. I can't do it, can't make them look good....I've worked really hard but still. sigh. Just...sad.

There's been a lot of hate and sorrow going around facebook past few days...I don't wanna get into it but it's weighin me down.

Anyway, lifes not all bad. I got 100% on one of my tests, 93/100 on another. That's a bit better than the 80% from last week. And I just need to get two essays done today and I'll have most everything finished before fall break.

I really could use a digital camera. But when I look into buying one, I want to buy a nice SRL....but I can't quite justify that, but I want it enough that I haven't just bought a cheapo digital.


Along the lines of wasting money, I think I'm slowly going to 'build' a computer. Just save some money from paycheck to paycheck and watch for deals on Newegg ((especially with the Holiday season coming up)). I should be able to put one together by next year for pretty cheap. And with the specs I'm hoping to get, it'll last me a good long while.







This has been in my head forever.Dunno why, But I love the chorus.

Lauren had a good weekend. I am happy and jealous of her. Mostly cus I wanted to go to Disneyworld...

And I miss my friends on the east coast. Dunno if any of them read this, but Mary, Jackie, Anne? You guys are awesome, thanks for the memories.

Yay. Memoirs.

But really, those girls were my best friends way back when..those were simpler times. hahah.


I played Assassin's Creed II finally. Freaky ending. Really cool 'theory'. If anyone's played it, you should comment and we can agree on how awesome it is.

You know what else I miss? Beauty and the Beast. The musical one I was in. I loved that show. Definitely my favorite I've been in. Though my favorite parts still the Wolf from Into the woods....
But anyway...I wish we could get the 'cast' back together and do it again. hah.

I'm really excited for The Old Republic. I know its gotten mixed reviews but...I wanna play it for sure.

And I want Dean to play it with me. And Devin. And Paulo. And a bunch of other people. We can have an awesome team going.


I'm not sure why but I love parodies....Listening to the radio, six songs in a row, I knew the PARODY of them, but not the original. The parodies are usually better/more clever lyrics anyway.

I guess I'm out of things to talk about. I'm sitting outside Ally and Lauren's russian class waiting for them to get out. Dunno why. But I am. Probably cus two papers await me at home...blarg.

So very tired

This week has felt very long. I guess it's been over a week since I've written last....doesn't feel that long. hm.

Life is a little...dead right now. I've just felt very tired overall and drained, especially these last two days. I've also had a general lack of interest in things....which sounds like my depression may be kicking in. But I have enjoyed video games recently, which is unusual. for the past few months I'd kinda be disinterested in them. Blah. So who knows.

Whatever it is, I guess I've just felt like I'm not quite myself lately.

I got a letter from Ryan a few days ago....I can't actually remember when, but it was nice. Heheh...he sent me chocolate and Hungarian pocket change. Apparently it only takes a bit over a week for a letter to get here from there. I still need to figure out postage though, I'm wondering if I sent way too much on my letter there.

Mom bought a new vehicle so it looks like I'll be buying the tracker from her. So...yay!
A little concerned though too...that means a monthly payment for insurance, and gas, and I'll have to buy a parking pass, etc...growing up sucks.

I bought stilts for chewie....which I'm kinda regretting. They come highly praised by a ton of the top wookies, but they don't work with the pants I latchhooked...so I'm going to have to redo/mod the pants and figure a bunch of other things out...I'm just a bit discouraged.

To be honest, I'm feeling a bit star wars'ed out. I just feel so...tired all the time. All I want to do is just lay around. Blah. I feel so lazy.

I feel like I should stop writing now...I'm obviously a bit down at the moment. heh.

Wharrgarbl

First off, your welcome

So, been a fun week. I've been reading up on the music business so I actually have something useful to contribute to Lauren's "band" as it progresses to stardom.
The music market is a scary place, especially with digital media. And once you start paying everyone involved, you realize that unless you are BIG, like, superstar big, you don't make much at all.

I used air quotes on the word band cus she doesn't have a drummer yet. Not cus she's not a real band. So back off. Yeesh, all you people who read this blog are like vultures.

All....two of you...

Yesterday was...fun. I skipped my last class to go to a garrison event. It was....chaotic. I do not like printing pictures for people. But there were a lot of kids who had fun and were super excited and hyper, so at least we did our job.
Next time though, I wanna wear the anakin....He had girls swarming all over him.
Granted. Most of them were 11. So...maybe I'll wait til we do a college event and do Anakin.

Or I could just hurry my arse up and finish chewie already. I only have, what...60ish hours left of work to put into it.

Found this picture  yesterday. Facebook is doing that thing where it randomly shows you pictures from the past.
I miss Ryan. I want him to get home already so we can go back to being best friends.

But...I'm glad he's serving a mission. Just wish he'd get a letter of of Hungary already!


That's it, this is my new profile picture.

Now do you realize the magnitude of the situation?




Had my first test of the semester yesterday...it was...Okay. I really can never remember the parts of the eyes, and that screwed me over. Fingers crossed I didn't do too awful.
I need to start working on my research paper. Ack.


Oh, another garrison event tomorrow. I may get to wear Anakin. I spent a half hour last night playing with my scarring stuff....It's fun. :) but kinda burny.

Last night was odd. At about 2:30, I woke up. and was AWAKE. Not drowsy like I normally am when I wake up. So from about then til four, I just lay in bed and tried to rest. But it was weird. Don't really remember having that happen before.

I need to make a run to home depot. I need some foam for my chewie mask, and an exercise mat for chewies feet. I'd also like to look into some PVC/various parts to 'make' my own blasters.


Anyone have a old car they want to get rid of?

Or a motorcycle with a sidecar?

So...funny story

First off, I want to apologize for my last couple posts. They were really angsty and whiny. It's been an interesting couple weeks.

Secondly, I'd like to thank my brother for being so amazing. I really do love him, he's awesome, and I wish he could come out and live with me.

Right. On to buisness.

I volunteered at the Greek Festival Pastry booth for the past four days. That was fun. Nothing like standing for around 6 hours selling overprized, high calorie, diet bombs to 'tourists'.

Nah, 'twasnt all that bad. Kinda fun to be selling stuff with the gang. Granted, I'm still exhausted and my legs haven't forgiven me yet.
I did get some Free Pastries out of it!!
That's just what I need to lose weight. 3000 calories in two convient bites.
But wait, there's more! I have access to five BOXES full of pastries!
These won't last long folks, and you'll have to act now to get your hands on these delicious items!

It was funny, the first two days of working it, people would ask me what my favorite ones were...and seeing as I'd only ever had baklava....I'd just flat out lie and pick the one I wanted sold at the moment. Yay! Deception.

Ah, but NOW, I realize that I like the melomakarouna or however it's spelled. Walnut cookie, SOAKED in honey. It's wonderful. I've eaten three so far today for breakfast.

....I'm so fat...


On saturday, I went to the Autism carnival with the Garrison. I got to suit up as Anakin. I like that costume. Not sure why, but I do. I really need to lose my gut for it so I can fit into it better, and apparently there's a fair amount that's not screen accurate but...*shrug* I'll not be wearing it much when I finish Chewie.
Speaking of which, got the mask/helmet/whatever on Saturday. Kinda overwhelmed, and haven't had a chance to sit down and figure what I have to do to get it functional ,but hopefully I'll be able to get a start on it in the next week or so.

((I'm at work right now, and someone just asked me if I had a thick black marker. Obviously, I had three different sizes, and they giggled in anticipation when I gave them it. That was amusing))

On the topic of costumes, I'd really like to get Swampy done, but I'll admit I lost some of my 'passion' for him. Not sure why. I think I'm just more 'in love' with non armor costumes.

I got Revan's voice in the upcoming fan film a garrison buddy of mine is doing!! Super excited about that.

I need to get back in the swing of school and stuff still. I just can't seem to get my mind to focus or work. I kinda just feel like I'm in a daze half the time, everything's a bit surreal.

I hate this shift so much. I work 8 hours starting at six am. On weds and Fridays, I only go til ten. That's fine, cus then I can go home and rest. But 8 hours...I'm dead on my feet, and pretty much done for the day when I get off work at 2. I'm also the only one who has an 8 hour shift, apart from one person who works from 2-midnight on saturdays...

I feel about ready to just lay down and never get up again. Of course, even feeling like that last night, I wasn't able to fall asleep.

It's ten now. Four hours to go. Then I should probably start thinking about doing homework.

Happiness

I see it. The smiling faces of others.
Their laughter, their joy.
I want it.

I want to rip it from their bodies. I want them to be left with the hollow emptiness i feel

I want them to realize the pain that comes when you see someone with joy in their lifes.

They must feel the isolation, the bitterness, the pain, the envy.

They must suffer as I do.

And will I be happy then.....

No.

Pensive

Okay, as a heads up, this post is a bit...whiny,emo, whatever you wanna call it, but its something I need to articulate and write down. I'm hoping it'll be a bit therapeutic.Since this is mostly for me, I'm going to speak in 'riddles'. Those of you who are close to me will figure it out.
As to why I don't write this in a journal? For one, I don't keep journals. The other reason is...I've always thought that I may die unexpectedly. Maybe I want a record out there...I want people to be able to set the story straight. I guess its a bit arrogant of me to think people will really care but I'd like to hope so.

Well. Shall we?

--------
The problem is simple. He's better than me. I don't personally know him, granted, but every bit of information I've gleaned from various sources confirm this. He's just better than me.
Any trait or skill that I have that I consider 'good', he has. But not only that. All the traits or skills I wish I had...he has.
It's like he's everything I want to be but never have been able to.
I don't idolize him. In fact, quite the opposite. I detest him. Not personally...but for who he is, WHAT he is. I hate him.

I hate that he's better than me. I hate that I feel like I'll never be as good as him. I hate the way I feel worthless when I hear about him or something he did.

I feel like he's stolen something from me. And as much as I'd like to, I can't hate him on a personal level because he's...he's a good guy. Like I said, he's everything good about me and more. I can't blame him for that, for all he's done...but damnit all do I wish I could.

I think maybe I hate myself really. I know I have self esteem issues and I've never really liked me. Perhaps I'm merely projecting to him. I hate myself, and he is a more perfect me....and I hate him for it because he's making me realize all the more acutely how flawed and devoid of redeeming qualities I am.

I wonder if I should try to emulate him. But if I were to...I couldn't approximate him at all for one, and I'd feel somewhat pathetic for trying.

Honestly, I don't know what the solution is, or if there even is one.

All I can say is everytime I think of him, it forces my face back into the dirt and grinds in against the Earth.

Latchhooking

So, a majority of my free time lately has been latchhooking. I'm trying to get Chewie done already. and He is a BEAST...Dunno how many more hours I'm going to pour into him, but it's looking like at least 50 just for the pants. I'm at 40 now.

Went to see a metal concert last night with Lauren and Ally. It was one of her friends bands. They were actually really good ((bad venue though)) and I bought their cd. Only six tracks, but...they have a good sound, a Lot like Rush.

I need to get on top of things...I haven't read anything for school. I kinda hate coasting through classes but...so far in college...I haven't HAD to really read the book or do anything besides cram before a test...I know that's awful but...Blah.

These 5 AM wake up work days are killing me. I'm always tired and never get enough sleep.

Mom made me really happy the other day. hahah. I left my anti depressants in cali on accident ((only a few of them, I have the bulk here)) she mailed them to me, along with a zippo lighter and a chewbacca tshirt. She knows three of the things that make me happy.
Celexa
Fire
and
Star Wars

I'm really missing having Ryan write to me...This wait is killin' me....And I still want to write Jeremy but...I just...feel uncomfortable about it. Sigh. I hope he forgives me for being a lousy friend when he gets back.

I've been thinking about trying to get a car soon...I'm going to need one eventually. But I know nothing about cars...and I'm cheap. So if anyone has a junker or a free thing they wanna dump on me...

If I don't do that, I'll likely just buy a computer to prepare for TOR.

On a star wars note, It's looking like I have a really good shot at getting this voice acting part in a fan film done by a friend, which would be awesome. Fingers crossed.

Redheads

It is not fair how insanely attractive redheads are to me.

Mostly because I've yet to find one who likes me.
((on that note, I'm still trying to find A girl to put up with me))

But really. If beauty was on a scale, its like redheads instantly get 10 bonus points.

So, long story short....
Calling all Redheads, Calling all Redheads!

Anyway. This was a good weekend.

Got to dress up as Anakin. Which turned out pretty well from what I heard. Unfortunately I don't have any pics of it. So hopefully I'll get some next time I wear it.

I also got screentested for a short film one of my Star Wars buddies is doing. I sucked it up pretty bad. I'm not that great of an actor and I didn't really 'fit' any of the parts but...uh, some of my relatively unique vocal talents managed to impress them, so who knows...I may have some role in it after all.

Still wanting to get Lauren famous. Been trying to feed her anything lyrical I can think of...which isn't much.

But, fingers crossed eh?

Work tomorrow...another 6 am shift....yay...

BUT. I do have mini danishes this time!
Night!


For good measure
Calling all Redheads, Calling all Redheads!

Rooftop Poem

So, this is more me trying to write lyrics to help my good friend Lauren produce her own album. So, as a side note, to the two of you who read this, follow her on twitter and do what you can to help. Please?
Gatewayguitargirl

Anyway, I'll show you the poem, since I know you are dying to read it.


-----------------------

Close your eyes.

Open yourself to the world around you.

Can you feel it?

Feel the life of the city.

Let the pulse resonate

Listen to your heart and notice

Its matching time.

The beat of the city,

The sound of the world

Of hopes, of dreams,

Of doubts, of fears

Of love, of loathing

The sound of life.

Thousands of souls swarm around you,

Tilt your head back to the sky

And feel their touch.

Their pain, their joy

Their triumphs, their failures

Their laughter, their tears,

It's the miracle of life.

Everyones got a story to share,

Simply take a moment to listen

And join yourself to this human race.

----------------------

So, writing lyrics is something I have zero experience with, so this kinda ended up as a half poem half song. I like the idea of it, but not how it turned out. I may play around with it later. 

Well, I'm tired. Crimson Nights turned out to be a disappointment, but I have a troop tomorrow. I get to wear my anakin costume that I ((just about)) finished!! Pictures once I get a camera!

I hate Gen Eds.

Second day of classes.

I only have 2 gen eds left for my bachelor. I'm taking one of them now. It's language of color. Really, a good for nothing fluff class that is purely BS. But, it gets me "diversity" credit.

So I'll suffer through it.

But I hate the people in Gen ed classes. There are so many people who do not deserve to be in college, and it seems like they all congregate either at local pubs, or in gen ed classrooms.

They are just those type of people that either scream "douchebag" or "idiot" or you can TELL they are high.

But I'll stop ranting about them.

Lauren showed me how to play two chords on the guitar. I suck at it, but I like trying....I kinda want to keep at this. Maybe I'll give up a while later but...for now, I wanna try.


Teacher doesnt' like laptops on during class. great.....now how am I going to stay awake. Anyway, I've got to go try to pay attention.

Another post at work

So, here I be, a-sittin' and a-writin'.

I'm pretty bored. And exhausted. Opening the building three times a week...Dunno how I'll manage that. Been up since 5, and I gotta stay til 2 today.

My eyes will NOT stay open and I'm yawning like crazy.

Yay. A sterotypical athlete in crutches. Maybe he'll lose his sports scholarship and realize he has no where to go in life. :D

Yes. I'm bitter.
I know most athletes aren't bad, but enough are.

I have had to use the bathroom WAY more than I should've today too.

I gotta go to the Candlelight Serenade Acoustic festival the other day for ten hours. It was a lot of fun. I mostly just took pictures and helped out, but I still enjoyed it thoroughly. I got to 'meet' neon trees. Though they band was more focused on taking pictures with Darth Vader and the storm troopers I had brought with me to meet them. They got pictures taken together by the Salt Lake Tribune I believe. I haven't seen if they ever got published though.

Only downside to the concert? I still haven't recovered from all the sleep deprivation and I got sunburnt like mad.
But we got our name out there, so who knows! Maybe some good will come of it.

SOOO many freshmen today. Kinda cute....but they all look so YOUNG. Am I getting older? blah.

 They also look lost and confused. Like Bambi.
Ive directed SO many people around campus today, and shuttle routes, and this and that...its nice, cus I feel smart, even though I'm really not.

I wish some of them would flirt with me....that'd be a nice ego booster.

My thanks go out to my lovely friends who brought me food today. They all got moved into the same apartment! Yay! Now I only have to go to one place to bother people!

Wow. As I watch the people who walk by, I keep thinking..."who likes short shorts...."

Working

Sittin at work.

Bored. There's been a lull in the HC.

Looks like for the rest of the year I'm working mondays wedsnesdays and fridays from 6 am to 10Am. 2 PM on Mondays....so, what is that...14 hours a week?

NOT looking forward to the opening shifts, but....maybe It'll make me sleep earlier. Probably not though.

Lauren left on vacation. I miss her. :( Heheheh. but I do feel better knowing she is suffering.

My Family

I'm sitting in the airport awaiting my departure back to Salt Lake.


Mixed feelings right Now. It'll be nice to get home to all my stuff and friends. But I also start work tomorrow, and have school next week, etc.....Long story short, I'm about to get very busy very fast.

But all that doesn't really matter.

What makes this tough is leaving my family.

It felt so natural to be with them in the new house. Same furniture, same rooms, same feel....Just being around them is so harmonious to who I AM...to how I grew up. Living with my family is like the...baseline of my quintessence.

At first I felt like I may have taken for granted this time I had for them but....I got to spend time doing what I always did with them, and I felt like I was in a HOME for a week. It was...nice.

((I'm tearing up writing this. Gah. ))

But, yeah. It was a nice break to be home with my family. I wish they still lived in Utah so I could enjoy that luxury more, but...I'll survive.

I really miss Dean though. There's all this cool stuff I want to do with him, but can't, because we live so far away.
He really is awesome though, and I wish I could do half the stuff he can. We tried doing handstands together. Hahah....I kept hurting myself but it was a lot of fun. I wish We could work together to do parkour and stuff.

When mom took me to the airport, I gave all my brothers hugs first. At least I thought I had. I guess I forgot Dean. ((sorry!!))

So as Mom pulls the car out onto the 40 mph road, I hear a shout "hey", look back, and Dean is running full speed to catch the car. I got mom to pull over, cus we thought maybe something bad had happened or I forgot something,etc....He ran up to me and just gave me a hug and said he loved me.  Made it really hard to let him go or say goodbye. Gah.....I love you Dean.

I'm crying too much to keep writing...heh...and hopefully my plane boards soon. Ummm...Yeah. So I love my family, and I'll be back in Utah soon.

Surprised Komodo Dragon

I'm writing this blog post in the morning.

Whaaaaa?

 Anyway. 


I got a new phone yesterday. T-mobile family plan and all that, so apparently I was due for an upgrade, or my mom's phone was, or however it works. 


Point being. I got a "Samsung Gravity T' or something like that. I think it was a T. 
Its pretty awesome. Got a touch screen....which is kinda tricky to use but.....yeah. I'll get used to it. 


Next step, to shrink my fingers so I don't have such a hard time hitting the buttons. 


So, I have this music program. Virtual instruments and all that. For some reason, it's stopped working...kinda. Hard to explain if you haven't' seen it, but...It'll SHOW the notes...but not play them, and...yeah, its weird and annoying, and driving me nuts. I really want to use it, but restarting the program, my computer, searching the 'help', searching google....no luck. So I'm giving up for now. 


Still hating everyone who went to CV. They started posting pictures. There was a full sized Tie Fighter, snowspeeder....probably more than that...Ugh, I'd give my kidney to be there....


Well, I would, if I hadn't already broken both of my kidneys in that radio antennae accident. 


Both Dean and I have a virus I believe....our throats have been hurting. His seems a bit worse off than mine....I just assumed that mine hurt cus of the altitude/climate change. 


This new phones vibrate setting is really weedy...I can't feel it when its full blast, IN my pocket....so that's going to prove interesting haha. 


I really need to get going on my chewbacca costume..But it is so tedious...Blah. But I'd like to get it done by October maybe....So if anyone wants to help me latchhook...I'll love them. 


California is HOT

I have trouble sleeping at night from the heat. Oy. And I torqued my neck. 

Besides that though, its really pretty and nice here. But also a bit too crowded. I like cities, don't get me wrong, but...even a smaller town like Clovis is too much hustle and bustle for me. 

  So, I drew that yesterday. Took way longer than it should've. And I'm still not really happy with how it turned out. The colors are really hard to get right because they have the guy a kind of whitish grey, but in ALL the scenes he's in they use a tungsten filter so it gives this bluish hue...I didn't know what color to do him, and...Yeah. That's the best I could do, but I still don't like it. But, I may put it on a shirt. Depends on the feedback I get. 



Lauren is annoyingly good at singing I've decided. And she is all seductive when she sings. I am still determined to get her a record deal. If she'd just stop being so stubborn and let me. 

It's odd being done with Summer Conferencing. It kinda just fused itself into my life. I feel like i should be doing something for it. 

Speaking of work though, I have to start training ASAP when I get home from my lovely vacation. Should be....fun and tedious. It'll be nice to have a job I guess. Money wise that is. 
I do feel bad because I got scheduled for this weekend and all this time when I had already gotten it off for my trip...so people had to cover my shifts....So, even though they won't read this...Thank you   to everyone who did. 

So, when I get back, gotta handle my job, gotta go visit my shrink, gotta meet up with Doug and get some measurements taken for a jumpsuit, gotta meet with Dr. Drews about starting my human factors certificate project, gotta finalize my schedule and buy my books....and probably some other stuff.  Hoo boy. Gonna be a busy time. 

I wish I had a sparring partner. I think it'd be a fun way to exercise if I had someone to 'duel' with. And I miss choreographing fights.  

Seriously, my phone is sitting on the table, loudest vibrate. I SAW it light up, but it didn't make any noise or move or anything. It's like its vibrate is non-existant. 

So, I wants to lose weight. But I lack any sense of motivation. I need someone to start yelling at me when I eat too much or don't exercise. Any takers? 


I want to get a desktop computer....for gaming mostly. I know its kinda frivolous, but...Well, it'd obviously have other more practical uses as well...


You know....writing this would be a lot more enjoyable if I knew more than four people read it.

Yosemite

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So, made it to california safe and sound. It's nice to be with my family.

Wasn't so nice having to wake up at 7 Am the next morning to drive 4-5 hours to Yosemite. But, here I am.

I'm just writing this as a word document and going to transfer it online. Unfortunately, there's no wi-fi in national parks. Yet.

It's been good to be with the family. Singing songs on the car ride down, making obscure references with Dean((who is still taller than me…and skinnier.))

Yosemite is pretty. Tall trees and the half dome, El Capitan…but…I dunno. It hasn't quite 'wowed' me like  the Uintas. I've only been once, and it was with Ryan, but it was a lot of fun. We ran off on our own and found hidden lakes and whatnot. The air was so clean and crisp…

Don't get me wrong. It's not bad here.  But it is overcrowded. And most of the people here don't speak english.

And its swarming with jailbait.

TONS of squirrels that are only a few generations away from domestication I swear. They would run around our feet as we sat at a table outside, going for crumbs. The fatter the squirrel, the 'braver' it was, and would hardly run. The skinnier ones were a bit skittish.

We are currently all in bed. But its only 9:30 here….10:30 my time. I'm not going to be able to sleep for another four hours.

This 'tent' is cool. Its more of three actual walls and a canvas door with a metal bunkbed and twin bed. So carter's on the floor, Dean and I each have a bunk, and Cam's in the bed with mom, cus, as she said "it would be weird to  sleep with the other brothers. They are too old".

Stupid gnats…They keep swarming my screen.

Being around Dean really makes me want to get into better shape….Stupid dean…being more attractive than me.

Just killed one gnat. Ha. Take that Gnatdom. Your end is at hand, and your kingdom is mine.

Dean is actually starting to get all my dirty jokes. Dunno if I'm happy about that or not. I like being able to make them and make him laugh….but he's the GOOD kid in our family…he needs to be innocent and a good example for carter and cam, cus I sure as Hell ain't.

That's right. Ain't.

If I mysteriously die, the left side of my cranium has been really tender and sore the past two days, inexplicably.

Gnat 2 is down.

Oy. I wish I slept easier. I've been exhausted all day, so haven't really been able to enjoy 'hiking'. Not that we've done any real hiking considering we have too young ones.  But all I've wanted to do is lie down. Of course, now that I can….I can't sleep.

I miss the internet. Just cus….I miss talking to friends. I know its only one night, but it still feels…off.

Bah. Suppose I'll try to sleep now. Wish me luck. 

I hate Flying.

Really.

I absolutely hate it.

I used to hate it cus it terrified me.

Well, it still does terrify me, but that's not why I hate it now.

I hate it because my flight got delayed over an hour. Why? I'm not sure. All the sudden we got moved to a different terminal. When we got there, our departure time was an hour later.

Their reason? "staff was late".

So, I had a connecting flight in Vegas ((from where I'm currently writing this)) that was timed with my first flight.

The staff being late caused me to miss my flight and get stuck in Vegas.


Or....It would have, if my Vegas flight wasn't a half hour late.

Why are airlines allowed to do this? I can understand weather causing delays...but because STAFF is late, you are going to make X amount of people late, for who knows what? Marriages, buisness meetings, vacation, family.....
And the passengers can't do a thing about it.



So, now this connecting flight just happened to be over an hour late as well. Was supposed to leave at 9:50, its 10:40 now, and the passengers JUST started filing off past me.

Im just really upset and frustrated.

I was supposed to have my choice of beverage on the first flight. PROMISED that when I purchased my ticket. And you know what? No choice. They literally handed out dixie cups they poured water into from a bottle.

When I got to the Vegas airport, I asked for directions...the guy who gave me directions....told me to go the opposite way I needed to go.

Really, it feels like all the cards were against me....except that my connecting flight was late.

So i was saved from one airlines tardiness by another airlines lateness. I don't know if that's irony or karma or good luck or bad....I guess I'm glad I don't have to camp out in Vegas overnight, as at some point I would've ended up trying one of the numerous flashing machines that litters the corridors....but I still feel wronged by this.

Not to mention I barely have eaten today, my bloodsugars low, and I'm a bit dizzy.

I shouldn't complain so much, but it's been a rough day.

And all my friends are at CV...

I met a couple GOING to CV though. Once again, my star wars shirt was a conversation starter. The girl was very pretty ((and pregnant, so a bit...'glowy')), but most important, loved star wars. Her dad dresses up as Dash Rendar!

I want a girl like that.

But it was nice to have someone to talk to while we waited for the plane to leave. The people seemed friendlier in the Salt Lake airport. Here everything is dark and dingy, and the people seem closed off and hostile.

Sigh. Boarding time just got pushed back another ten minutes.

I'm going to go find a water fountain, cus I am NOT buying 4 dollar bottled water from the ONLY open store in this airport.

New home

So, once again writing this as I watch Craig.

I moved yesterday...It was quite the endeavor. Took a long time and my back hurts now. But I had friends who helped, so that was good.

I got a fair amount unpacked, but the room is much smaller, so It'll be...fun to live in.

Haven't really done much today besides that...went shopping with Lauren and kept trying to slip things into the cart. She didn't care though so it kinda wasn't that much fun.

Fatheads. Those giant wall decalls, usually sports people, run about 100 bucks a pop? Yeah, don't buy them. Ever.
Waste of money.

I bought a Darth Vader one, because it was on sale for 20, which I found to be a good price.

Yeah. It sucked. It came in a cardboard tube with no instructions. So I unrolled it. I figured I just had to peel it and stick it on the wall.

But it didn't like that idea. Long story short, in the process of peeling it...it folded on itself, effectively ruining itself. I tried to pull it apart, but it keeps ripping, and even if I DO manage to get it all unfurled, its bent and torn...and I can probably never reposition it.

So, yeah, waste of money and I will NOT recommend fatheads to anyone.

I leave for California tomorrow. I suppose it'll be nice to see my family but...I don't want to travel really and for some reason I get the feeling this will just make me sad. But who knows. Maybe it'll be fun.

I plan to make Lauren a star. Even if she fights me to the death about it. I am determined to get her name and music out there. Because I have no skill personally, so I'm going to live through her. Just like a controlling parent.

I have drank far too much Mountain Dew today. I shall probably not sleep tonight.

I really want to play Star Wars RPG. Its nerdy and lame and whatever. But it really excites me. And I want to. And I have no one too play with. I am terribly depressed about this.

I found an amazing website. Well, Ally 'stumbled' drunkenly upon it.
http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/1CQt0z/www.instantsfun.es/

Check it out, and enjoy the plethora of sound bytes.

Jealousy is running rampant. A few of my friends are at CV right now. For those of you who don't know what that is ((which will probably be everyone who is NOT there)) its the 30 year anniversary of the release of Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back. Big convention. Very nerdy, but I really wish I could've gone. Ah, but such is life.

Well I just had an ice cube thrown at me, so I think that's my cue to go.

Zombie!!!

So, Lauren, Ally And I, Along with our new friends Matt and Travis, went to the SLC annual zombie walk tonight.

Pretty much what it sounds like. A few hundred people gathered along city hall then we proceded to shuffle around town. It was quite a lovely horde we had going, all a-moanin' and a-groanin'.

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

We had already bought some old clothes to rip up from DI the night before ((I had an orange shirt and light blue pants, 70's FTW)), and Travis and Matt were our blood experts. So, we applied some makeup to make ourselves look dead ((Mine was a mix of black and brown that I thought made me look quite rotten and decrepit...everyone else's was pale. And Travis looked like the joker.

Blood, right.

So, after our lovely blood was concocted ((water, food dye, corn starch, and cocoa powder. Make sure to mix in some green to make the red dry more brown, it looks more realistic)) we went up to the roof. It's concrete. So we figured that'd be best so we didn't stain anything. So we proceded to throw blood at each other until we were all blood splattered and grisly, then left.

What we didn't realize is we left a pool of what looked like blood on the roof. We also left a trail of bloody footprints that led back to ally and lauren's apartment.

So, we get home from the walk, and there's a knock on the door. Who could it be but the police and RA of the building?

Apparently they thought someone had died ((or we killed someone)) so while we were gone they had come in and searched the apartment....guess they didn't notice the bowl of fake blood. Or ever CHECK it...cus it smells like chocolate.

Then again...props to us for having such realistic homemade blood!

We had to go clean the blood stains we left, which wasn't hard but...we were all pretty scared when we first opened the door.... all in varying stages of zombification as we had been cleaning up when the knock came.


So, chances are its one of those 'no harm no foul' things, as the cop and RA were laughing pretty hard by the time they left...but I think we've been labeled as 'trouble makers' now.

And I know I say "we" like its my apartment...I don't live there, but I'm always over there anyway. So. Yeah. It's basically mine....

Summer is ending

So, I had to meander down to lower campus today. I haven't been down that way more than once or twice this summer.

It was very nice. Hot, but nice. Walking around, I noticed all the new plants they've planted, everything looks all spic and span and fresh and new. Outdoors and in. I walked through the union and I just felt at home. It made me really excited to start class.

Although I'm pretty sure I'll end up complaining about it once I start doing homework.

I managed to pull out of the fall semester with an A. Hoorah! So I'm still holding at a 3.9. Just gotta keep that up for another 3 years and I'll be good.

So long as tuition doesn't go up anymore...

Found a new star wars game to play online today. Star Wars:Epic Duels. It was a board game. Guess it still is, but it's been outta print for almost a decade I believe.

So....For those of you who don't know ((spoiler alert)) I have these weird black hairs that grow on my left shoulder....no idea why but there's like twenty of them and they are really long and black and weird. So I shaved them off the other day. They still haven't grown back. I'll keep you posted.

So here we are.

So...I've been told I'm a good writer and whatnot and that I'm funny and I should write more.

I'm going to stoke my ego and write. Also its 1 am. Any trace of common sense has long ago left me.

Especially since I haven't drank any awake juice tonight.


And by awake juice I mean Mountain Dew.


So...I'm kinda...reeling still from something I found tonight.

Sith Stalker

If you don't know what it is...then you probably don't care. but...It's just an AWESOME costume. I mean...that's a prosthetic arm!

But, I have Swampy and Chewie I'm working on...Spent another 4 hours latchhooking today and got maybe...3 inches done on one leg. It's going to take me 50 hours at this rate to get the pants done.


And I wish I had a digital camera so I could post progress pictures.

Ah, and Spongebob makes me happy. Sitting on Ally and Lauren's couch watching it with them. They baked a cake....and I've been the only one to eat any.

I need to lose weight. But unfortunately...food tastes better than excessive feels.

Speaking of pains...My back aches. Hm.