We can dance if you want to

Except for the fact that I cannot dance.

Or at least..not very well.

For those who don't know, I'm taking ballroom dance right now as an elective. I've really enjoyed the class, and up until last class period, I was more or less getting it. But these last two classes, we started doing the Viennese waltz and...its bad.

I just can't keep up, can't count the steps, I trip over my feet...People say I'm getting better, and maybe I am, but Im still messing up a lot.

I don't know if this is some childhood experience or just my low self esteem or what but...me sitting there struggling, trying time and time again to get it and still failing...I feel sick. My stomach hurts, I can't look anyone in the eye, I dont' wnat to be around people, and I've come close to crying.
Logically, I know this shouldn't upset me like this. These are tricky steps, and its natural to have problems. But as with pretty much everything in my life, it doesn't matter how logical I can be, my emotions take control.

So, anyway, Im just feeling really low today...Hopefully I can shake it soon but..yeah.
I still want to get better...and part of me wants to keep trying, the other part wants to just give up so I don't fail anymore.
But I always give up on everything. I've never tried hard for anything in my life. Its just a series of coincidental successes, and all the failures that I instantly push away to never try again.

Blah. Wasn't my intention to make this into a whiny complaining thing. But I guess that's the mood I'm in. Sorry.